Somebody once said to me, “If you truly love someone you let them go”. But there is also another quote that says, “True love is unconditional love. If there is expectation, then the love is tainted with insincerity”
How can one not have an expectation from a relationship? Ultimately, everyone wishes to fall in love with a wonderful partner who makes you laugh when you’re sad, who treats you to a hot bubble bath when you’re tired and who thinks of you when he eats his last piece of chocolate cake.
Someone who knows you inside-out, your bad and good habits but still kisses you in the morning with a loving smile. The smile, the kiss, the voice that helps you gets through the day.
I agree with Deepak Chopra when he said, “One need to love and to love unconditionally.” Love exists in everyone’s heart. We learn to love the day we were born. We touched our parent’s heart with our warmth with our existence. We gave them purpose to live with our smile.
Logically, only a parent could love unconditionally. They fed us, they clothe us, they protect us, send us to the best school.. and all that never asking for a thank you. All they wanted was for us is to be safe and to be happy. Yes, they may imply that we should be doing this and that with our lives but ultimately we know they will love us no matter what career or path that we decide to choose.
Now for a couple who is in a relationship. Eventually, both party would want to progress to the next stage of the relationship. In some culture and religion, it is the norm to move-in together. It is considered ideal as one would now discover the true behaviours of each other. Would they survive living together? Are they compatible together? Do they still love each other the very next day? Living together silently provokes the pressure to follow or to obey each other’s acceptable living behaviours..i.e expectations. One expects to have a home cooked dinner every nite, while the other would prefer to have take-ins or have drinks with colleagues at the bar down the street. If this continues, both would suffer silently in their hearts as their expectations are not met. But I believe all these expectations could be resolved with communication.
The ability to communicate ones desire to the other is the essence of all lasting relationship. If one does not establish or nurture good grounds of communication that relationship would suffer and falter eventually through time. I have seen many couples that held their marriage fort for years for the sake of their children. They live in the same house, they live in the same room but they do not share the same bed. They stopped communicating. Routine activities have set into their lives. And that alone have kept them through their marriage life. But both are unhappy. There is no love, no care nor any communication.
So, it boils down to the earlier quote that “True love is to love unconditionally” It is not right. It is just not true. When we love someone, it comes with it expectations, commitments and responsibility. We have desires to make love. We have desires to watch a movie. It all translates to expectations. Time to make time for quality time for each other. That would mean to sacrifice ones football game or a spa appointment for the sake of the other partner. Right? So that spells out, s.a.c.r.i.f.i.c.e isn’t it?
And what about parents. Yes, they dedicated their lives to raise us to become a well educated, well mannered kid and to be able to secure a job. I am sure they have expectations on us too. To be a CEO of a multinational company or to be a brilliant scientist that developed the cure for cancer. These are expectations, isn’t it? Or is it a prayer from our parents? That we excel in life and in the after-life. Hmm..
There is no right answer to the puzzle of life. Yet, the answer to all pain in the world is love. If one respects ones thy neighbour, there would never be a court-restraining order against thy neighbour. If one cares about the other partner and commits to the time and work the relationship, there would never be a divorce. If one honours and values democracy and the love of the country, there would never be a tear gas being shot at the peace rally. Respect, care and honour.. it all summates to love. It is the truest act of communication to love.
Love is not a word on its own. It requires a lot of time and care and respect for one another. “Action speaks louder than words” Now, that quote is so agreeable to me. To make a glass of hot chocolate for her when she is all stressed out to finish the report on time. To open the door for her. To walk the dog for him while he goes for a nite-cap with his buddies. However, actions would falter in any relationship if one party fails to appreciate the effort, the contribution, and the commitment that have been invested into it. So, ultimately, we humans just want to be appreciated.
Richard Branson once said, “Who packed your parachute?” Who do you trust to take care of your kids while you go abroad for work? Who do you trust to provide tech. support to your customers? Who do you trust to take care of you when you are all grey-haired and wrinkled all over? One can buy loyalty but one can never buy trust. Once the trust is gone, all hell breaks loose.
So I therefore conclude, that Trust together with Appreciate and Communication and also Effort equates to Happiness in Life in all aspect be it marriage or work.
Trust + Appreciate + Communication + Effort = Happiness in Life
I believe it is a simple equation; nothing new. These qualities have been around thousands of years ago way before we were born. The only thing to make it work is “Decision”. To decide to want to love and be loved in return or not. To decide to want to make the marriage work or not. To decide to want the job or not. First to decide then to do the work. It’s easy. It’s plain simple. Easier said than done, true but anything is possible. It’s Allah’s gift to us.. Freedom to choose and to decide. We are after all the “Keeper of Our Own Soul”.
We only have this one life. Let’s love and be loved back. We are the children of love. We were created out of love. And we will return to the loving care of our Creator. Amin.
